Peaks and troughs

I work in sprints – bursts of intense productivity that are interspersed with periods of needing to do something else, and to be honest that “something else” might include staring out of the window. The same pattern as a sprinter who might run incredibly fast for a short time and then need a break. Unfortunately for me, the “norm” of working seems to be the opposite: steady progress throughout the day. Someone like that won’t be as fast as me over short periods, but will get at least as much done in total.

My impression is that in professional life we value workers who fit the marathon pattern – it’s easiest for a manager to keep track of productivity if it’s fairly consistent through the day, so you know that any one hour of work is going to be roughly equivalent to another. Ideally, I suspect many firms would like people who can sprint continuously all day – some can, but many try and burn out. I can’t work like that, but I feel the pressure to fit in and keep going consistently through the day. That leads me to mask my working pattern as well as my autism.

My autism itself’s a source of shame

I hide it from the world to dodge the stares

Of fearful puzzlement or often blame

That how my brain is isn’t quite like theirs.

I’m blunt or literal or over-keen

And people are exhausting – words go wrong

But even when I can say what I mean

I have to lie about my work – how long

It takes me to do things – I am too fast

Or else too slow; I work in bursts like sprints

Then rest, but make the work look like lasts

Me through the day in reassuring stints.

You want me to be normal, that I know –

It’s just I’m not (but mustn’t let it show).