If you’re asked for your opinion, you give it, right? Saying what you agree with is a bit of a waste of effort because nothing needs to change as a result of you saying it. So you probably put your thought and effort into saying what you think is wrong and what needs to change? That’s pretty much my autistic thought process when I’m asked what I think. But of course I then have to add on to it the extra “masking” thought process of: ah, but neurotypical people don’t work like that so how do I actually need to express what I think to get them to hear it? Neurotypical people expect “poo sandwich” feedback i.e. good thing, bad thing, good thing, so I need to think of (and say) at least two good things, one on each side of the point I want to make. Which feels like a total waste of time and energy but apparently I have to do it anyway. It feels like being an officer on the Titanic saying to the Captain: “I think you look great in your uniform but I’m a bit worried that you don’t look out for icebergs. But you hold the steering wheel really impressively!”
If any of that’s relatable you may well have had the experience of trying to get yourself heard in a neurotypical environment. Many of we autistic people mask pretty much all the time and its exhausting. It’s like constantly translating into another language and culture, because if you use your own, people get upset with you. But supposing you forget or get too tired to do it? A useful safeguard in the workplace can be a reasonable adjustment that your colleagues know you may sometimes come across as too blunt.
I’m open about the fact that I’m autistic (obvs) and that can be liberating at work when I’ve come across as too blunt. I’ve got into the habit of saying “oops – sorry – bit of autistic bluntness there” if I suspect I’ve failed to translate my thoughts effectively into “neurotypical”. Or I might find myself saying “I’m afraid I’m going to be autistic at you but…” and then make a bluntish statement. So my actual working practice, if I did find myself an officer on the Titanic, would be to say: “Captain, I’m about to be a bit autistic at you but look out for the flipping iceberg!” Not perfect, but it can work.
If you’re not open about your autism, and you may have good reasons for that because not every workplace is accepting and bits of stigma get everywhere, you won’t have that option. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve attempted to advise or help autistic colleagues who are in trouble for having been too blunt or appeared rude or arrogant. The colleague almost never means to be – it’s the fact that they’ve used their native, autistic, style of speaking and it doesn’t play well with neurotypical people.
You might be thinking that the answer to that would be for everyone to be a bit more understanding of blunt communication. But it’s really difficult to implement anything across the board without causing harm to others. Suppose you asked all staff to be a bit more resilient to robust comments; you’d be telling those who had other characteristics that might make them vulnerable that their needs weren’t important. If I upset someone, me being autistic doesn’t make it right. It’s just a bit of mitigation that should moderate how much trouble I’m in.
And indeed we autistics – including me – can be extremely sensitive to criticism because we spend so much of our lives being rejected or criticised when we’ve failed to mask our autism effectively. Asking people to “toughen up” can’t be a good answer. But a bit of understanding for when colleagues use blunt language without meaning any harm would be a good thing. As so often, I find myself wishing there were clear cut absolutist (autistic!) solutions, but with people, I fear there seldom are!
Autistic Civil Servant 