“Do the little things…”

Much of our public discourse is about big ideas and big clashes – the kind of thing you get on Twitter. People see something wrong and “call it out”, possibly challenging the entire world view of the person who made the original statement. As an example, it’s remarkably easy to find spats between Christians and atheists on social media where each just says the other is wrong, rather than seeking to convince or even engage. I’m not sure that’s how the world gets changed though – for every Road to Damascus conversion (in either direction), I imagine there are a lot more gradual bits of persuasion through coming to see your opponent in debate not as an enemy but a fellow human being. Easy to say, much harder to do, obviously.

The world is full of injustice and one way of facing that is to rail against it. Unfortunately, anyone getting railed against is more likely to lash out to defend themselves or double down than alter their thinking. This is really difficult for me as an autistic to cope with because my instinct is to keep worrying away at (what I perceive to be) the truth until others see the logic of my position. Yet neurotypical people don’t seem to work like that. It makes no sense to me but I have noticed that (say) offering your opponent a cup of coffee or complimenting their work is more likely to persuade them than any amount of rationality. It’s a more Christian approach that I’m prepared to adopt but it’s not what comes naturally to me!

So to change the world, the most productive path may be to “do the little things”. To be nice, to offer small helpful services, to suggest kindly rather than correct angrily. It’s not easy for an autistic person to think like that – or at least it’s not for me. I’m a big picture person – I need to know the underlying principles, and I’m happiest arguing about major issues. But I want the world to see autistic people experiencing less prejudice in the world and being more welcomed into society, which may be best achieved by getting others to see us as human in lots of little ways.

As an example, I recall explaining to someone that when doing autistic advocacy I think about my audience and go carefully to avoid upsetting the parents of autistic children by being too open about the problems I encounter. Autistic adults may like the fellow feeling of knowing that others suffer as they do, but parents of autistic kids don’t want to face the prospect of their child suffering. When I’d explained that, the person I was talking to said something like “so you’re thinking about and managing their emotional reaction?!” It was clearly startling to them to realise that an autistic person might not only have empathy but be able to adapt their behaviour to protect the emotional state of those around them. I was very tempted to reply: “well, d’uh” but restrained myself. Seeing that person subsequently I realise that that tiny moment – of seeing me as a person who thought about other peoples’ feelings – did more to shift their attitude about autism than any amount of evidence or logic.

To achieve autistic equality of esteem, respect and treatment, those autistics who can, probably need to do more of these little things. To demonstrate to the world not that we are angry (and right) but that we are human. A lot of people will have to give up some long held beliefs about autistic people being less worthy, children, deluded, mentally ill which will be uncomfortable for them. Seeing actual examples of autistics who are not those things, is probably more likely to normalise autism than all the data in the world. It’s probably a natural stage of human coming to terms with difference – the period where people begin to say or think “I’m not sure I like X group of people, but the person I’ve met who is X is OK”.

Today is St David’s Day; St David is the patron Saint of Wales and associated with leeks as well as Welsh culture and symbols in general. In that context, I’m aware that yesterday’s blog concluded with a disrespectful remark about daffodils (another Welsh symbol). Given the timing, I’d like to make clear that I was mildly mocking the English poet Wordsworth rather than referencing Wales! The website of St David’s Cathedral gave me the quotation that I’ve used as a title of this post – St David was famous for the saying “be joyful, keep the faith, and do the little things…” There’s much wisdom in that – gradually chipping away at things that are wrong with the world is as or more likely to improve it than going for huge revolutionary change.

This post has been brought to you by the Collect for St David’s Day:

Almighty God, who called your servant David to be a faithful and wise steward of your mysteries for the people of Wales: in your mercy, grant that, following his purity of life and zeal for the gospel of Christ, we may with him receive the crown of everlasting life; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who is alive and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever.