Why don’t you just speak up?

I’m not an HR expert by any manner of means (as this blog probably makes only too clear!) but I have used enough HR policies to know that the first part of “proper process” in solving a problem is to attempt an informal resolution. Which probably means talking to the person who is causing you problems. That’s absolutely sensible and proportionate – it gives everyone the chance to deescalate and chat through the issue, sort things out, and avoid having to use some complex formal process. Everyone’s a winner. Except autistics. Because informal resolution means having to have that face to face conversation – which you fear will go wrong and you will end up in tears or being blunt and rude – that you were trying to avoid.

A bad thing happened and I now feel scared

Of you, but also that I’ll feel a fool

When I explain, when grievances are aired

You’ll say that I was wrong, that you weren’t cruel.

I’m sure you didn’t mean to hurt me (much)

I’d like your word you won’t do it again.

But your defensive push back, challenge, such

‘s a threat to me and so I must abstain.

You probably don’t “get” how my brain feels

You might feel I should just sort myself out.

My words are silly: thinking that now steals

The force of what I say, you really doubt

That I’m worth hearing, so I hold my peace

And bear it all, yet wish that it might cease.

For an autistic person to feel able to stand up for themselves they’ve got to have trust that things will be fair – even to them – and that doesn’t feel like a given in today’s society. We’re improving, but still far too many autistic people’s problems end up being tolerated because actually getting the problem fixed feels far too risky.