The Coronation tomorrow is going to be very much about the two people – the King and Queen Consort – at the centre of proceedings. But an absolutely vast number of other people have been and will be involved. Being a figurehead is all very well, and all nations need one, whether a monarch or a president or something else. But really almost nothing is actually about the figurehead so much as the group as a whole. One person may appear to take credit – by being crowned or just by having their name on a piece of work – but nothing really stands alone. Self-promotion in the professional world means saying “I did this” but for an honest and literal minded autistic it’s almost impossible.
I had a strong reaction to what I’ve written previously about the struggle of performance reviews and making a case for one’s own (autistic) achievement. One wise commenter said:
I think we have spent so much of our lives feeling the injustice of seeing other people claiming credit for things we feel almost viscerally they have been at most a small part of, and internally railing at the injustice, that it becomes very hard not to feel as though “I must apply the same standards to myself.” In many cases we will also have externally pointed out the problems with other people’s claims, and I know I feel almost a physical fear of claiming credit for anything because I can hear the voices of anyone who has ever heard me say this screaming in my ear that I’m a hypocrite.
It’s part of the general inability to be comfortable living with ambiguities and cognitive dissonances that others seem not to notice.
I was about to paraphrase that in my own words but then I realised that in a post about how no one person does all the work and all contributions should be acknowledged, it would be kind of counter to my message. So I didn’t, and thank you very much to DH for the comment which put the thought better than I could have.
If you’re autistic you live your life seething at others claiming credit for things that weren’t (wholly) theirs – you struggle with the cognitive dissonance of having to accept things that seem unfair. And then of course you can’t do anything but hold yourself to the same standards, and admit that your greatest achievements belonged at least partly to other people. And you completely fail to sell yourself.
As we approach the Coronation tomorrow (I’m looking forward to the choral music!) it seems like a good moment to reflect on how nothing is about individuals – it’s all about the team, whether that’s a team of four people, or larger groupings up to multiple nations. Whatever you do (or don’t do) for the Coronation I hope you enjoy it. And if you’re autistic and your idea of heaven is staying well away from people in a darkened room, then I hope you get to do that too.
Autistic Civil Servant 